Black Women’s Commandments Revisited

So, after posting the Ten Black (Woman’s) Commandments yesterday I realized that I left out some significant instructions! Since I can’t leave my sisters out there I’m back with a few extra commandments. Enjoy!

  1. Interracial dating is NOT an option for you. EVER.  Do not even look in the direction of a non-Black man, especially if said man is White. White men are forbidden for good black women. As a good black woman you have the responsibility date, marry and reproduce with Black men alone. Never mind what Black men do. Ignore the fact that they may tell you how inferior you are to Miss Anne and need to learn how to be a real woman by taking notes from White women.You are to wait patiently for your Nubian King to anoint you with his greatness.Now, if you break this rule and go outside the race, be prepared for the consequences. Brace yourself for accusations of hating black men and being a bedwench. Expect to be told that your white partner doesn’t really respect and love you, as only the Black man can give you the honor and love you crave.
  2. Understand that your uterus doesn’t really belong to you. Upon arrival in British North America our bodies became the property of white men. According to some the fall of chattel slavery and Jim Crow simply meant ownership of the black female body was transferred from the white man back to its rightful owner-the black man. Which brings me to commandment number three…
  3. Your reproductive choices will always be open to critique and judgment. There’s something uniquely abnormal about your reproductive system and Black motherhood in general. The pro-lifers are certain that the most dangerous place for a Black child is in your womb. If you are pregnant and have an abortion  you have committed an unforgivable act of genocide against the Black race. If you have a child out of wedlock and attempt to raise the child, you are a welfare queen, responsible for the weakening of the Black family and degradation of the race. If you have children within the context of marriage pray and knock on wood that your marriage never ends,as you too will be in the wrong for being a single mom.
  4. Raising black children is your responsibility. Don’t go after ex-husbands and baby daddies for child support, as that is cooperating with ‘the system’ against the Black man. Don’t discuss the pain and struggle of being abandoned by the father of your children, as doing so makes you a ‘bitter’ and ‘angry’ black woman. You just woman up and take it without a complaint-as many others before you have. After all, reproductive responsibility is not for black men.
  5. There is never an acceptable way for you to acknowledge and express your sexuality. If you want to take your time getting to know a man before sleeping with him, you’re a stuck-up prude who drives black men in to the arms of the more sexually liberated Miss Anne/Becky. If you have sex with a man when you choose to and are very open about getting your sexual needs fulfilled, you’re a ho and unworthy of being wifed(however said rule does not apply to Miss Anne).
  6. You must have a badonkadonk. The Buffy the Body booty is supposed to be a standard feature on all black women. If Mother Nature didn’t bless you with one you better get some injection or implants so you can look like a Video Vixen. If you do not comply expect to be harassed and teased for lacking in bootyliciousness!
  7. If you are a professional, educated Black woman realize that you are evil. Oh, you thought you were doing the right thing by focusing on your education and career? No no no, you have it all wrong my sista! The white man has used his education system to turn you against the Black man. Aspirations? Black women aren’t supposed to have them. For further details please see every movie ever made by Tyler Perry and the manner in which Black America gobbles them up.
  8. Concede that Twerking is the most dire threat facing the Black community. Teenage black girls uploading videos of themselves gyrating on YouTube ruins the lives of all forty million Black Americans. Sure white girls flash their breasts in Girls Gone Wild videos and get wasted during Spring Break without seeing their entire demographic reviled, but hey, that’s different!
  9. Stop having expectations in a mate. When non-Black women set basic standards for the men they date they are hailed as wise. But if you do it you’re just being too picky, a golddigger and your standards are too high. The solution? Don’t have any. If a man is Black(see commandment number one), interested in you and has a pulse-well what else do you need? Hurry up and marry the man already!
  10. Ain’t no escaping this. Know that your individual personality, experiences and views are irrelevant. You will always be pigeonholed into one of the four classic stereotypes of Black womanhood. Even attaining an Ivy League education will not save you from being called an angry Black woman, disdainfully labeled as your husband’s ‘baby mama‘ and people griping about your large posterior. Someone can even rudely interrupt you at an event in which you are the guest speaker, yet YOU will be the one who is out of line and told you need “coaching”.  Don’t believe me? Ask First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama.
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